Maybe Elmer Fudd is my cousin

It seems that I may be related to Elmer Fudd.  Let me explain.

Last year I was introduced the the world of hunting.  I have always been a bit of a tomboy, being drawn to sports that traditionally attract the menfolk.  I was raised around guns and routinely went target shooting or trap shooting with my father.  Being that I was an only child, I became his sidekick at most shooting events.  I dare say I was pretty good at it. One area not privy to by my father, was the yearly hunting trip......nor truthfully, had I ever asked to go.

Recently I took my PAL course in the event that should dear old dad expire (no I am not trying to kill him off) I would legally be able to inherit his guns.  Following this course my best friend suggested we continue with the CORE course.  Truthfully, I was not at all interested in hunting, but she convinced me that this is something we must do.  I acquiesced and in the end was very happy to be able to aquire a hunting license. Fast forward to a short but very successful hunting season and I am now hooked! Thank you jfeldt for introducing me to a whole new world!

I actually don't know who I have become.  I think I may be every married hunting man's dream come true.  Never before has the hubby enjoyed so many "must have" toys that accompany this genre of outdoor activity.  I mean.....EVERYONE needs a bore sighter, don't they??

I am a bit worried though that I may have jinxed myself this year.  I enjoyed a successful season, without all the frills.  Decked out in long underwear under yoga pants, a plain blue shirt and a red jacket (you would think the deer had seen me for miles) I limited out without much problem.  Most likely beginners luck, it will be interesting to see if I will still be as successful when stealthily decked out in full camo. 

I love fashion, make up, high heels and apparently I now love camo.......only not as a fashion statement.

In my gene pool somewhere.......Elmer Fudd must be a cousin.

GermanG

What Constitutes a Horde?

I simply do NOT do hordes of children very well.

The definition of a horde: A large group or crowd; a swarm; a vast crowd; throng; mob; Horde: a great company, esp. of savage or uncivilized people

By definition, I am just in saying that I spent a better part of the week with "hordes" of 11-13 year olds.  They were a large crowd....a swarm.....a great company of savage and uncivilized people.  I'm over exaggerating you say??  Let me clarify.

Try to corral 12 "tweenies".  They are a swarm, resembling somewhat of a pattern, going in the same direction, but widely dispersed. Easily distracted, they wander back and forth, rarely listening to direction.......beyond frustrating!

But, surely they are not "uncivilized".  Yes!  Place a family pack sized box of Cinnamon Toast Crunch on the counter and watch most of the boys of the "throng" descend in a sugar induced frenzy to "savagely" devour 3 bowls at a time, without a single thought to the rest of the group!

Not to mention the girls.....giggling....talking till 3 AM.  WHAT do girls that age have to talk about till 3 AM???? Politics.......religion.......boys.....ah yes, boys.....little do they know that future conversations about men will fill up infinitely fewer moments of time as they grow older.  Young love.......sigh.

My friend was visiting once with her 2 children........at that time I had only one left at home.  The kids were wild and running a muck when I said to her, "I don't do hordes of children very well"!  To which she replied, "3 is not a horde".

I beg to differ.........

GermanG

Monkey see, Monkido

I have a fear of heights.  Why then would I accompany a school group of 11 - 13 year olds to do a tree top obstacle course in the great outdoors?  A VERY high obstacle course!

Monkido is a serious of wires, ladders, rope swings & ziplines all suspended in a beautiful forest setting, high within the tree canopy. Did I say high??  You are securely fastened by a harness/carabiner system so that no tragedy can befall you (one does forget that when you reach great heights) .  The adventure starts with a "training" session on a course (ridiculously low I might add, giving no hint of what is to come) to make sure that you can follow the basic safety instructions set out by the staff.  No problem here.

It has four levels, each increasing in both height and difficulty.  The more difficult it became, the more I struggled with a past shoulder injury.  Now, the fact that at many times, I was utterly terrified and hanging on for dear life 100 plus feet high, certainly didn't help those muscles!

The whole time I was thinking, why......why?  This is entertainment?  This is FUN!!??  This is terrifying!!!   (Well, the ziplines were a blast......the rest....negotiable!)

But.......I was the last in line........11 year olds were flying through it like it was nothing.  I wasn't going the be the one who quit half way through or be the one who would have to be rescued, clinging from a rope swing by the ruggedly handsome young guy who had been monitoring us on the path below.  (Writing this now I realized I may have missed an opportunity there.)

In the end, I was proud of my accomplishment.  I conquered a fear and emerged at the end of the course, weaker in upper body strength, but infinitely stronger in spirit!

Perhaps this was the purpose in the first place.

GermanG

The Man Cold

I am singing the Hallelujah chorus as I write this!  Why so jubilant you ask? The man cold has come to visit my home.  Now, if anyone who knows me is reading this, you would ask.....why so happy?  I shall tell you.

The good Lord has been gracious enough to see to it that I will be away for the next 3 days during "the man cold's" visit!  Can I hear an Amen! (said with a very southern black baptist twang)

Now, before you look down on me for being the unsympathetic wife, let me clarify.  My man, when sick, is not the type of guy who retreats into a room, only to emerge 3 days later fully recovered.  No! He is the type of guy to let the entire household know that he is sick, by having us participate in his illness via a public viewing.  Public viewing you ask??


I will give you and example.  One particular bad cold/flu season he emerged from downstairs and stated....."I think I am sick......can't breathe....have a code in my node".  He went to the hall closet, fished out grannies lovingly made tuque, put on multiple layers of clothing, grabbed the tissue box, suitably medicated himself and proceeded to plunk himself in the living room recliner to "ride out the flu storm".  In and out of drug induced comas he hacked, wheezed and snored his way to recovery.  ALL within full viewing range.
 
Men and women are completely different.  There is a reason we are the ones who give birth.  Those who know me, know that I am not a sympathetic person when it comes to illnesses.  I rarely get sick, have a high pain threshold (unless I get a broken arm during hockey season......a story for a later entry) and rarely take medication when I am ill.  Meld that with a polar opposite husband and well......let's just say that this time, it's best that I am away for 3 days.

The man cold has come to town......and thankfully.....I am leaving it.

GermanG

The "Evolution" of Language

Last night we had a very late & long drive back home from visiting the family.  Many deer were avoided, my senses on high alert, trying to get everyone home safe and sound.  No more than 5 minutes to go, we approach the final bridge before getting home.  Look, I say to the hubby, I think it's a wolf on the bridge! (Feeling pretty stoked about this as I had just seen my first wolf not even a week ago!)  Wait!!  It's a cougar!!  (This is doubly exciting!!)  It was walking right in front of the car, taking it's time......truly magnificent!! Side note:  The camera that WAS behind my seat on the ride down.......was now in the trunk next to the pot of chili we had for supper!  Frustrating!! (Instead see grainy cellphone pic below)

So, we get home and I immediately post on facebook that the long drive was worth it because I saw a cougar on the bridge!  :-)

I wake up this morning, only to find my post with comments such as:
"How old was she?"
"This made me laugh so hard!"
"Was she wearing fishnets?"

This is how our language has "evolved". Once a word meant to describe a magnificent & powerful feline predator, is now reduced to a word that describes a used up older women on the prowl for younger men.

Sigh.......this is the "evolution" of language??

GermanG

Speak no Americano - Part 2

I am wondering if we are even on the same planet....let alone the same country and speaking a familiar language.  Enter "the daughter's boyfriend".

It's May long and we travel to see the kids and grandkids.  We all enjoy a lovely dinner and half of the "fam" decides to head off to the Monster truck races.  The daughter, boyfriend and I stay behind to watch the baby.  Knowing that at the end of the evening a long car ride home awaits me, I decide to head out with my daughter to grab a Starbucks. Can you stay and watch the baby, we say?  Sure says the boyfriend....and off we go.

Not long afterward we arrive home, lattes in hand.  Chatting away we enter the unlocked front door, walk through to the kitchen to see an open back door.  (Now before you start freaking out, I must print a disclaimer that they live in a smaller safe community.)

Where's the boyfriend.....the dogs?  Oh my gosh.....he's gone to walk the dogs, my daughter exclaims!!

And the baby.....asleep upstairs, oblivious to the neglect......but gratefully....safe and sound.

We really must speak a different language......

GermanG

Take out Anyone?

What began as a random act of kindness......not random really (will get to the details later).........has turned into something of a request for take out.

I have an alcoholic neighbour (referred to from here on as "N"). His self imposed circumstances find him in a state that is less than desirable.  Once a fit man, hiking to and fro with ankle weights and a divers belt on, he now spends most of his time indoors in his favorite chair.  He has a pension for old movies and no underwear.

On a particularly bad day I went to check on him. His back was to me as I shouted "Hey N.....you doing all right??"  No reply.  So, I made my way to the living room, peered around the chair and Gah!  Balls to the breeze!  I mean, I couldn't even bring myself to see if he was breathing.  What do I do now, I think?  If I go round to the front of the house, peer in the window (making sure the sill conceals the family jewels) maybe I might be able to see if he's still alive.  Or.....maybe he will wake up, see me there and think I am a perv at the window trying to get a better look!  Bad idea!  Well, I think.....I will let some time pass, check him when he's sobered up......if he's dead, he's dead.....taking a closer look won't bring him back.  I can return armed with a blanket to throw on top of him.

A few hours later, a more sober N responds to my calls.  I chastise him for drinking "the hard stuff" and make him promise to stick to beer.  If he does that I will make sure he has dinner for the next little while (the only meals he has been eating, I was recently informed).

Due to circumstances the last couple of days, I was not able to bring N any dinner.  I go to visit today to say hello and have a chat.  His request......."You think you could bring me over some of that lovely green salad you made me they other day.  I am having a bit of a craving for greens".

My "random" act of kindness has become take out.......

GermanG

The Sound of Silence??

I am getting old.  I don't feel it, but I hear it in my head with little catch phrases........"Young people!"  Yikes.....I am my mother!


But really, we are in a different era.  There have been so many technological advances......or so they are called.  Are they?

Don't get me wrong, I love my IPod.  I still marvel at the fact that it has more memory in something I can hold in my hand than my first computer did.  Amazing!  But here is the downside. 

There is an entire generation that doesn't know what it is like to hear......nothing.  To listen to the wind blow, a cricket chirp, the birds sing......their own children.  I see young mothers walking their kids, either on the cellphone or with earphones in their ears listening to music. Children are babbling away without a single response of the parent. Memories are missed, messages are sent...........you are not important. 

Then there is the safety issue.  In the interior of BC an African exchange student walks to the mailbox to get his mail with his IPod on.  Above him a helicopter malfunctions and crashes right on top of him!  Tragic I know, but I will admit to you I laughed.  Now, some may argue that when your time is up, it's up and for this young man that motto may seem appropriate (coming from Africa only to be killed by a helicopter that you were not flying in). But I would argue the opposite.  Have you every heard a helicopter?? Let alone one that is in distress and falling from the sky (watch "Destryoed in Seconds")?  I blame the IPod.

If we don't turn off our electronic devices, we will forget how to contemplate.  We need to stop and assess our lives every once in a while and see if there is anything that needs changing.  To do that effectively, we don't need to have Lady Gaga blaring in our ears that we were "Born This Way"!

We need to listen to the sound of silence.

GermanG

Aliens & Other Life Forms

Teenagers...........

One minute you have lovely, delightful children given to public displays of affection (hereby referred to PDA) and the next minute......abducted by aliens!

Let me give you an example: 
Mother: Hey, did you hear that Tiesto is playing?  I was wondering if you want to go to that concert.
Child: Tiesto! Yes!!  That would be so cool!
Mother:  Sweet, I'll get us some tickets!
Child/Alien: Us???  You are going with me???
Mother:  Well, if I am paying for the tickets I would expect to go with you!
Alien: Tell you what, you only need to buy one ticket and you can wait outside for me....it will save you money.
Mother:  What!!??  Are you kidding me??  What do you think I am going to do??  Embarrass you??
Alien:  Hmmmmmrrrrrrrmmm (insert Alien audio tones here)
Mother:  Never mind....bad idea all around.

Fast forward to a trip to Subway.  Waiting in line, music is playing.......must have been grooving to the tunes just a bit, when to my right I hear, "No Mom, No!" 

Aliens have abducted my child.

GermanG

A Snowflake By Any Other Name

Before I continue with any more blogs I think I need to clarify what it is I am talking about when I refer to my "snowflake" friend.

One day I was listening to someone describe looking out the window, watching the snow drift to the ground and likened it to mankind, linking arms and creating a blanket for the earth (of course her description went on quite a bit longer than that, but you get the gist).  I though to myself, Gah!  I do not even relate to that....not one bit!  When I look out the window and see snow falling I think......it's bloody cold out there.  So much so that it's snowing and now I have to deal with drivers who don't know how to maneuver their vehicles in the snow!

I proceed to tell my good friend about this analogy and she says, Gah! I don't even relate to that!  To which I reply, "Neither do I, that's why you are MY kind of snowflake!"

.......and a lifetime of mocking those types of snowflakes was born.

GermanG

Speak no Americano

Do we even speak the same language??  We meaning "he & I"....the significant other....the spouse.

How is it that an entire conversation can ensue only to be followed by: "When do we go to your parents?" (Or insert any other detail of events to occur here)  Hello??  Did I not just say when?? Yesterday, the day before....last week......multiple times (each time you asked for clarification in fact)!

Now...asked what engine was worked on in 1988, what hockey stat from 1967, or any random obscure factoid and BAM!  The info is there before the next heartbeat.  It's mystifying to me.....mind boggling!

Take Christmas (any gift giving day really).  Wow, this is an amazing blender honey (to my snowflake friend who likes this kind of a present, skip to next paragraph).  Where did you come up with this idea??  "I always have such a hard time knowing what you want", he says.  "Choosing a gift is so hard"!  Fast forward to HIS present opening.......Wow, how did you know I wanted this??  Are you kidding me???  I LISTEN!  All year in fact......only to pounce on the perfect purchase in time for the holidays, birthdays, father's day, etc.  It's a gift.....that only women seem to have.  (At least that's my experience as I have been married twice and could have written this many years ago).

We are lonely without them & we are driven mad with them.  We speak a different language and thankfully...... murder is a criminal offense.

GermanG

A Bug's Life

I'd like to be a bird, not not a bug.  Birds soar, they hunt....they are just amazingly cool.

Bugs....they are windshield fodder.  Not aerodynamically sleek enough to avoid my motorcycle visor.....stupid actually.  With one fell swoop....no birds do that....with one tremendous splat....their life has ended.  But I suppose if your lifespan is only 24-48 hours, it's the way to go.  The kamikaze of the bug world........neeeeeaaaaarrrrr (insert WW2 plane noises here) SPLAT!   Done!

OK, so it's obvious the weather was spectacular enough to go on a motorbike ride......and warm enough to solicit the insects arrival......but still.  Each and every time a hit occurs, I think......you are a moron....you deserve to die!

And for the record......if I was a bird I would utilize ALL of the sky that God gave me....ALL of it......wouldn't even tempt fate by flying across the path of a speeding car (which I am convinced is a bird gang initiation rite)......if all that sky is there, use it.....just saying!

GermanG

Popping of the blog cherry

Well, here it is.  My first every blog!  Funny, when I typed the title I wrote, "pooping of the blog cherry"!  Then laughed hysterically at myself and thought of a good friend....my kind of snowflake.....that would actually appreciate the typo.  God bless those kinds of friends!

Who blogs?  I suppose I now do.  People who like to read things about themselves that they have written??  Some journal.  I have always wanted to.  Was gifted with a beautiful leather bound journal that sadly is still in my nightstand drawer.  So, consider this attempt #2 at "journaling".

You will find no "founts of wisdom" here.  Only random musings that come to my head and that I choose to write/vent/articulate in the blog.  I am fairly certain there is one person out there that will find some of them mildly entertaining. :-)

The real question though.........will I keep it up??  (Ahhhaaa.....again.....my adolescent mind finds humor)

Till next time.......

GermanG